My funny experience with a guy in Benin.

 It's not surprising anymore that the so called Christians who shout and chant the name of Jesus always and are quick to bind and cast foul spirits are more scared of these same spirits than those of us who actually acknowledge their existence. 

I'll try hard to write this without breaking my phone right now because the frogs in my compound are busy making weird noises and the pastor at God's glory ministry isn't making concentration easy either with his tongues and songs.

 

Monday, September 19, 2016 was a very eventful day in my life. 

I took a risk.

My colleagues at work think I should have studied theatre instead of mass communication, Abeg, same noni. 

I met a guy, let's call him Ax, although Ax isn't too far from his real name, add two more alphabets and you'll get the name, but let's try to help him cover his small ego that's left. 

Now, I met him in the most unusual way. 

He was the cause of my headache a few weeks back when the HOD of the department screamed at me on his account. I gave him attitude and never saw him again. UNTIL 2 weeks ago when we had a compulsory INEC electoral procedure training at Eghosa Grammar school. 

My friend Chinaza and I had crossed over to the other side of the road, impatiently waiting for a bus to take us to new Benin where we would take another bus to wherever we planned on going to that day when this old car pulled over and signaled me, I was polite enough to see why this person wanted to talk to me. That was when I recognized the face and realized that I was going to get a free ride home. 

He spent most of the 30 minutes it took to get home apologizing for the other day and I kept assuring him that I wasn't angry. 

We got to my apartment and he offered to take Chinaza and I out for a drink, I agreed to go out coz I had not seen the cool parts of Benin since I got here. 

I changed into something else as I had been wearing the Khaki all day. 

Chinaza and I got ready and met him outside my house... Omogbai's house. 

Mr Ax kept talking about how he wanted nothing to do with women and how he only wanted to have baby mamas, he seemed heartbroken from previous relationships. 

But wetin concern me? 

I tried to be nice by showing concern, "ah, Mr Ax, you've got to give love a chance and start seeing relationships as a necessary path." 

What a waste of mouth movement. 

He drove down ekenwan road and stopped at Tips bar, they say it's one of the lit places in town. I didn't think so tho. 

Our evening was a short one, we had to all go home early. 

My thoughts about Mr Ax was all nice, although I noticed some usual guy lies but he was good to be a friend. I thought I needed a few friends in Benin but I guess I'm fine with Rita, Chinwe, Ifechukwu and Chinaza. 

Fast forward to Monday, sept. 19. 

Mr. Ax showed up at my door, we were supposed to have lunch together but I was too hungry to eat out. I made better hot Eba with garri from Illah and twinned it up with good obé Ila cooked with Uziza. 🙈 I love food.

Since I had already eaten, we opted for a drink out. 

Again, we drove to another place still around ekenwan road, I don't know what they call the place but it wasn't the slightest bit comfortable. 

Men were smoking too close to me, I couldn't enjoy my Amstel Malta with all that smoke. 

He brought up the issue of him not liking girls for serious relationship and me being the sister that I am kept telling Bros to chill and search. 

See, I know players, I know all their pointers, so when he was giving me cool stories, I just started playing along. Advising him to settle down and be happy. 

He told me he loved Jesus and all that plenty stories that follows the I love Jesus speech, you know, the I go to church, I pray, God's got my back and more. 

He changed topic to how amazed he was that he could feel comfortable with a lady, ME! 

Lmao... Instantly, it was like the switch in my brain came on, I started flaunting my 18k gold ring in his face o... Talking about Bae and my love life. 

Lol, I had to change whatever idea he was having. 

The funny thing is guys never come straight. 

Players never come straight! 

He never mentioned love, likeness, feelings at all... 

We left the bar at 6/6:30pm. 

He drove to my street and parked right in front of my house. 

He came into my tiny apartment to say goodnight. 

He sat, he got too close, I snapped. 

I asked him to move, stop getting too close but maybe I was speaking Igbo. 

When he refused to have sense, I hit him with my famous line. "I have a kid" but it didn't work. Who was I kidding, this is a guy who prefers babymommas. That wasn't going to work. 

I took my lies to another level, "I was raped, I don't like being alone with guys, maybe you should go. I also don't believe in Jesus so stop telling me about him." 

Damnnnn girl!!! You can lie!!! I heard me tell me. lol

He immediately drew back. Ding!!! I win!!!

He attempted to pity my made up situation but I wasn't having it. He tried preaching, I refused to hear it. 

I started with the no Jesus thing again and he was visibly worried. 

He came close again and his pants tore. 

That shit was funny o. 

I laughed, but he was scared. 

He said I tore his pants mysteriously and told me I had some powers but I shouldn't hurt him that he was going to leave. 

Oh!

This was going so well, like a scripted scene. 

I didn't expect a 30something year old man to be so scared. 

He was stuttering and shaking, sweating real bad. 

I took control of the situation and assumed the role he had created for me. 

I laughed uncontrollably and I guess that made him more scared. 

I had this authority in my voice all of a sudden.

"Come here! Sit down! I said sit! Look at me!" 

He obeyed every single instruction. 

He had tears in his eyes.

He looked like one who had met his end. 

He begged me to let him go and promised never to tell anyone what he thought had happened. 

When I finally let him leave, he ran. 

He ran out of my house. 

I followed him to his car and tortured him a bit more before finally asking him to leave. 

I can't make out why someone who is a player, obviously not in God's great book right now claims to have a perfect father-son relationship with God yet he jumps at the slighted make believe spiritual attack. 

This guy couldn't even bind the spirit he thought was manifesting in me. 

He couldn't call on his Father. 

Instead he was busy begging me not to hurt him and to let him leave. 

Well, I don't actually blame him. 

He lives in Benin, the center of the most unusual happenings in Nigeria. 

So when you try to get too close to a girl and your pants tear and she tells you she doesn't believe in Jesus, you should be scared. 

Most especially when she's light skinned and the hair she's wearing is human hair. 

But guys, sometimes we just want to be friends. 

And when we wear a ring, we don't do it coz it's fashionable. We wear them coz we are in a committed relationship heading to the alter. 

Stop pushing your luck.

You might just meet a real bad ass witch some day. 

 

Lmao. 

This is a true experience. 

I have a recording to back it up too. 

Mr. Ax, get a life. 

Stop speaking phonee. 

Be responsible.

Stop being foolish.

Avrilforte